


반드시 웃는다

by littlepil



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: I Tried, I'm Sorry, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:35:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlepil/pseuds/littlepil
Summary: "It's been a while. I didn't think you'd call first.'If you're free, let's meet up'How can I say no to that?"
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Oh Sehun, Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	반드시 웃는다

**Author's Note:**

> soo hello! i tried something, hope y'all like it.  
> stan day6 for a better life.

**_It's half excitement, half tear_ **

**_Because what if you notice that_ **

**_I still miss you?_ **

It has been six years.

He couldn't believe it has been that long since he had seen everyone… **him.**

Oh Sehun, one of his greatest relationships. No, his greatest relationship, called him a week ago asking him _the question._

Jongdae knew the Oh's family since forever, they lived in the same neighborhood. Minseok was just his same age while Sehun was two years younger but they got along pretty well and also with Yongsun who lived next door to Jongdae, she was the older on the group they later formed.

The four of them became really good friends, in some point of their adolescence almost adulthood Jongdae fell for Sehun and Sehun for him. They started dating (it didn't lasted tho) and then became official boyfriends. 

They just loved each other so much, they even had plans for a future together but the problem was with Dae's parents they were still on the past century and they didn't approved a gay relationship. That was a big problem for them, they had to hide almost all the time which was fine as long as they could be together.

There was nothing stronger than their love for each other, or that's what they used to think.

**_Today, I smile_ **   
**_Even though it hurts, I smile_ **

Jongdae got out of the bus and took seat on the bench, waiting.

A few minutes passed, he remembered the times when he and Sehun would seat on that same bench waiting for the bus. They used to take whatever bus will come and hey will take it, seating in the back, to talk, to stare at each other with silly eyes, to be together.

He smiled at the thought of Sehun's cheeks getting red the first time they kissed or the little giggle he let out after their first "I love you".

**_When i'm with you  
As if nothing happened  
As if i'm doing fine  
I have to _ **

  
His thoughts were interrupted by a honk, he looked up at the man who was inside the car, both smiled at each other. Without saying a word he got in the car and the other started to drive. Jongdae looked sideways at the man next to him a few times.

God.

Years made miracles to him, he looked the same that six years ago. His hair was dark now, but same perfect face, same kitten eyes and his cute little lips. He looked so damn young.

The ride was pure silence, nobody said a thing. Both were focused on the road, not even doing small talk. 

They finally got to destiny and wow, the house was big and had a precious garden. Minseok for sure worked and earned this. The door opens and, oh, Yongsun is there. She smiles at the duo and kisses her husband.

Good for them, they deserve each other.

 _"Minseok, I-"_ Jongdae starts.

_"We all missed you too. Glad you are here now"_ it's the only thing he said before inviting him inside.

_"Wow Dae, you look very handsome"_ the young woman says smiling.

_"Thanks. You are beautiful as always"_ returns the smile.

-

Minseok shows him the way inside and gives him a little tour for the kitchen before getting to the living room and: wow. 

There he was. One of his biggest loves. 

The one and only: Oh Sehun.

He was looking a little bit taller, dark hair, pale skin, bare shoulders, perfect eyes, same soft kissable lips, cold gaze but warm heart. 

He smiled at him. Oh god, he really missed that smile.

Jongdae had to stop himself to not go to the younger, take him on his arms and kiss him passionately. For a moment his impulse seemed to be stronger, he got closer but did nothing. Instead, Sehun was the one who took him on his arms and hugged him, tight. Jongdae hugged back, his head on the taller's shoulder, they stay like that for a while. In silence. Saying everything they needed to say but without words; that was until

_"Sehun- I-"_

_"Shh, don't say anything."_ breaks the hug and looks at the older right in the eyes _"I know. I missed you too"_ whispers and smiles one more time. 

_"Guys! Dinner is almost ready, wanna take seat?"_ the woman smiles warmly at the duo and went back outside. 

The duo looks at each other and both smiles, Sehun tip his head to the backyard, the blonde nods and both imitated the woman.

The backyard was looking beautiful, there was wood a table with wood chairs as well, a lot of plants and flowers and the illumination was great. Minseok and Yongsun put their hearts on it and it shows.

 _"Sunnie… it's so pretty. I'm- I'm so happy for you two"_ Jongdae blushes looking around.

Minseok and Yongsun always had this i-like-you-but-i'm-shy-no-one-give-the-first-step relationship and look at them now, married with a lovely home… he just wishes he had been on the wedding. That would have been nice.

_"Thank you, Dae. I'm glad you liked it"_ Sun smiles softly, _"Do you want white wine?"_

_"Yes pl-"_

_"HEY! Sorry I'm late. Traffic is a bitch"_ a deep voice that he didn't recognize speaks, turns around to see a really tall guy with silver messy hair and a few tattoos. He was handsome for sure but, who was he?

Like if he could read his mind the guy answered his question by kissing Sehun on the lips and Sehun was kissing back. It was short but it surely take Jongdae by surprise.

 _"Hey Sun, Seok said food is almost ready. For me it's perfect, but you know him"_ oh nice. He knows everyone. _"Did I miss something?"_

_"Baby, this is Jongdae. Dae this is Chanyeol, my boyfriend"_ dear lord. Jongdae for sure tried to ignore the words he just heard but he couldn't. He felt a punch in his heart. Boyfriend? When did that happened?.

Yeah yeah, he knows. He left. 

Their relationship was years ago but… still. 

It hurts. It hurts like if they just broke up and Sehun is already with someone new but no, it was not like that. It has been six years.

Six years.

He has no right to feel this way after what he did.

But he can't help it. Ok? He is human.

_"Hey! Hunnie told me a lot of you"_ the Chanyeol guy smiled warmly and extends his hand. Jongdae shakes it fast and smiles back, without a word.

_"Dinner is here! Hope you still like pasta, JD"_ the shorter in the room speaks, putting the plates on the table with the help of "baby". He is a nice person. How great.

_"You know I'm weak for your food Min"_ he replied to his friend with a smile, trying to focus on the delicious food in front of him and not on the couple at his side. Chanyeol had his hand on Sehun's tight.

He used to do that. Oh boy, he loved Sehun's legs they were so long and skinny and precious. They were soft and sensitive to the tact. _His_ tact.

Shakes his head and leads his attention to Yongsun's work talk.

The dinner was fine, Jongdae answered all the trivial questions they had for him.

It was weird tho. It felt normal. All were laughing and telling stories about their days, like they used to. No one brought the subject about him leaving. It felt like if he never left.

**_Even though it hurts, I smile_ **   
**_When i'm with you_ **

The Chanyeol guy was the first on leaving, thanks god, he had a night shift. He didn't left without saying the three little words to Sehun and kissing him. We get it! You together! You happy! You don't need to brag.

No.

That was unfair. He deserved to be happy.

Yongsun was the second on leaving, she had a delivery the next morning and needed to rest. 

Him, Sehun and Minseok were still up. Outside, looking the sky and drinking coffee (tea for the younger). They talked about a new horror movie that came out last week. Nothing bigger than that. After a while the older decided he needed to sleep and went to bed.

That left the two of them alone. In silence.

And they stay like that for a while, not saying a word just looking at the sky and stars.

Jongdae looked at Sehun, he has grown so much. He looks just like the last time: beautiful, pure and _his_.

_"Stop staring at me...it's weird"_ the words left Sehun's mouth shyly, he even blushes. Jongdae smiles at that.

_"I'm sorry but it has been so long and you look so beautiful…"_

chuckles _"You too. Blonde is looking good"_

_"You really think so? You always said I'd look fake"_

_"Well, I was wrong I guess"_ both smiles and there's a silence for a while. Sehun stands up and claps softly.

_"Okay, let's go for a beer"_

_"What?"_

_"Let's go for a beer. Let's seat on the porch "our place" remember? "_

Our place.

They used to seat on Sehun's porch for a long time in silence, just to be in each other's arms.

He still calls it _our_ place.

Jongdae wonders if it's now his and Chanyeol's but he really doesn't wants to know.

_"Man, that's still a thing?"_ stands up, following the younger slowly trying to not make any noise. Sehun grabs a beer box and chuckles while both walking to the door and both went outside

_"Yup, Minseok took it from our parents house and brought it to his. He is werid"_ smiles and the _non_ couple takes seat. It was kinda late, you could tell by the empty dark streets.

_"You still live with Min?"_ the blonde asks feeling awkward by the silence.

_"Yup, he and Sunnie really insisted me. I had a good apartment in the town but you know him"_

nods. Yeah, it was always like that. Minseok was always over protective with his little brother;even though he was so much shorter than Sehun he will kick anyone's ass for him.

Jongdae wonders how is that his ass doesn't got kicked yet.

The taller lies there and lets out a sigh. Takes a can and opens it _"I missed this"_

imitates the younger's actions.

 _"You missed drinking beer in the porch? Damn, you need to go out more"_ smiles

_"I missed being with you"_ oh god no. Don't say that. 

_"Sehun, I-"_

_"No. I know and it's fine"_

_"Let me explain"_

shakes his head _"There's no need. I understand, really"_ smiles at him _"At first I feel bad and I was childish about it but now I can understand you and it's fine. I understand you had your reasons back then. I know you still love me"_ pauses _"No, in_ **_that way_ ** _but you know. I love you too, we can still be friends"_

Fuck.

Those words.

He doesn't loves him like that anymore? Why are you so sure?

Sighs. He had to ask in some point.

_"That...uhm- that Chanyeol guy. Is he good?"_

why you asked that?

Sehun seemed surprised by the question but he smiled at the name, had a sip of beer.

 _"He is… he is the best. I really love him"_

He is the best.

He loves him.

He is in love.

It's too late for you.

You fucked up.

Just let it go. 

Let _him_ go.

No. There's always hope. Right?

**_You're still the same_ **   
**_Still got the beautiful smile_ **

Four beers later and Sehun having no alcohol tolerance was already a little tipsy. Jongdae wasn't a drinker, he was fine with just one bottle but Sehun really enjoyed drinking even if he surpasses his limits.

_"Yoo, remember that time when we were watching that movie about the ghost and you were so scared you couldn't sleep alone so you made me stay in your house and sleep with you?"_ chuckles

roll eyes but smiles. _"Sehun that was you"_

_"Was I?"_

_"You always looked for an excuse to sleep with me"_

shrugs _"What can I say? You are too comfortable"_ smiles.

But the kind of smile that made his eyes disappear and transform in tiny stars with a big mouth smiling.

It was Jongdae's favorite view. _It is._

_"Ah man we have so many memories here._

_I just missed you so much"_

_"Okay-"_

_"Remember when we fell asleep here and a squirrel got in your face?"_

_"I still hate that bitch"_ both laughs. Silence. _"Sehun, I want to-"_

_"You know I'll always love you, right Dae?"_ took him by the arms and looks directly at his eyes " _It doesn't matter with who I am now or with who I'll be… you'll always be my first and I'll always have you in my heart"_

Jongdae was speechless, doesn't he hates him? Why can't he hate him? This is just awful, Sehun still "loves him". What does that even means? He still loves him as what?.

Silence, the blonde looks at the other's eyes they were sparkling. His lips were slightly open, Jongdae looked at them. Fuck. 

He really wants to kiss him now, he really misses those soft lips on his, he misses pushing his tongue inside and exploring every inch of the other's mouth like if it was the first time and then he would squeeze Sehun's thighs making him let out a gasp and-

_"Dae, my head hurts"_ the younger suddenly speaks letting go the blonde and touching his forehead.

_"Well duh. You always drink too much, your body can't take it"_

_"I can take it! But I'm kinda sleepy now. I woke up reaaally early"_ pouts.

stands up _"Okay big boy, let's take to your room. Can you walk?"_ getting no response Jongdae sighs and helps the taller to get up.

_"Ah just like the old times right?"_

_"Shh, you look prettier when you don't yell"_

chuckles _"I'm not yelling. Now come on"_.

Jongdae managed to take Sehun, he could walk pretty well though, back inside the house. It was late so he tried to not make any noise and wake up the others.

He lays Sehun down on his bed and looks around. The room was pretty much like the last time. There was a lot of pics hanging on the wall, a lot of moments he could have shared.

Sighs.

Maybe they could make new memories now,right? As friends.

Shaked his head and decides to go to the room Minseok prepared for him. He needs to sleep. Or at least try to.

-

Jongdae wakes up, he wasn't able to sleep that much. His mind was a mess of emotions and memories, regrets and thoughts.

Deciding he wouldn't be able to sleep again makes his way to the kitchen and gasps.

_"Damn Min, you scared me"_

_"Sorry for being in my house"_ the older jokes, he was baking. _"Did you sleep well?"_

_"Kinda...Sun already left?"_

nods _"She'll be back for lunch though._

_We having tacos, you staying right?"_

_"Yeah… Sehun?"_

_"He is still sleeping, you know how alcohol works on him"_ grabs a cup and serves coffee to his guest. _"What happened last night? You two stay up until very late"_ there he is. The Minseok he knows and missed.

_"We just drank and talked. Nothing big"_

_"Oh okay-"_

_"Do you think I still have a chance?"_ he suddenly says. he needed to ask.

chuckles and raises an eyebrow _"What? Are you for real?"_

sighs _"Minseok you know I love him. I still love him like the last time"_

_"Jongdae you left"_

_"I know! But… back then I didn't have a choice right? A-And I'm here now"_

_"It's too late-"_

_"Never it's too late! and he loves me too. He told me, I just need to-"_

_"Oh no. You don't need to do_ **_anything_ ** _. You already did enough"_ oh so he was angry. 

_"But I-'_

_"Jongdae you got married, left the fucking country and you told us everything by a note and you didn't left the note to us!"_

_"I didn't even loved her in that way! You know my reasons!_ _I- that's in the past. I know I can make things right this time. I just need to organizate some things but I can be back here and I can- I can look for a good job and maybe Sehun and I-"_

_"Wow wow. Are you listening to yourself? There's no such a thing as "Sehun and you"_ not anymore. After what you did?"

_"I know I was wrong, ok? I made a mistake. I fucked up but...It's Sehun. I love him and he loves me"_

_"He has a boyfriend, Jongdae"_

sighs _"Yeah I saw him, b-"_

shakes his head _"You said it: you fucked up and you let go your chance._ **_Six years Jongdae_ ** _. You let it pass for six years. Things had changed and you have to deal with it"_

He wasn't wrong. There's a silence. Minseok takes that as opportunity to drink his coffee and keeps working on the mix.

_"How-"_ Jongdae bites his lip _"How did they meet?"_

the soon as the words left his mouth he regretted asking.

Minseok looks at him, takes seat and sighs. _"Two years after you left he went through some phases._

 _First, he started to use lot of products on his face, changed his whole dressing style and went to gym cause he thought you left him because he was unpretty"_ Jongdae's mouth opens but says nothing.

_"Then, he started to take chess classes cause he thought you left him because he was not smart"_ eyes gets bigger. Minseok yearns

_"Then, he thought you left him because he was untalented so he decided to take guitar lessons. That's where he meet Chanyeol, he was taking lessons too and they become friends._

_Both have a lot of things in common so I think that's what brought them together, I don't exactly know when they started to have feelings for each other but I just know they love each other and they are happy together"_

Jongdae couldn't finish processing the words he just heard. He doesn't knows what to say.

_"Chanyeol is a good guy. He takes care of Sehun and actually loves him"_

raises an eyebrow looking at the elder _"Are you saying I don't love him?"_

shrugs _"I don't know. Do you?"_

_"That's unfair. You know I do."_

_"Then why did you left?"_ there it was.

**The question**.

He was wondering when it will come out.

sighs _"You know why"_

_"I don't. The note said you got married to some girl and that you'll be back as soon as you could. Six years later here you are"_

_"You know my parents didn't approve my relationship with Sehun and you know I wanted to leave this city_ **_with Sehun_ ** _. But I didn't have the money. Rosé appeared and she suggested it. I saw an opportunity and I took it. Ok? You know I actually didn't get married, right? It was a lie for my parents to not look for me and I was coming back for Sehun but-"_

_"But you didn't"_

_"Things didn't went the way I planned, ok? And I was trying to make things better. I really tried but- but then I figured it was too late and-"_

shakes his hands in signal for the other to shut up _"Excuse me: what? You said you left because your parents were homophobes and somehow you wanted to make them happy so you "married" this Rosé girl. You said you wanted to left the city with Sehun but you left with her?. You said it was hard for you and then that it was too late_ **_but_ ** _now you are here and you say it's not too late to get Sehun back? Man what the fuck. Sorry but that doesn't makes any fucking sense"_ Minseok was not having it and Jongdae couldn't put everything he wanted to say in words.

_"I know! I know! There's so much to explain but the important thing is that I love Sehun. I have never stopped loving him. I left to plan a better life for us… I really didn't think about it and I thought on coming back but… I don't know I just thought that he was mad at me and I let it pass and I KNOW. I let it pass for six years"_ sighs and hides his face on his palms _"I- I just. I don't even know why I came here, you know?"_ chuckles. _"You are right on hating me. I should go-"_

sighs _"No. Dae, I'm sorry. It's just that you know that Hunnie is my little baby and I- he just suffered so much when you left. You know? He really loved you. Man, he was in love with you and you broke his heart… you didn't even told him your "plan" you just- you know._

_I don't hate you. I could never, you are my friend too and… I think we were all hurt"_

Silence for a few minutes.

sighs _"I really fucked up and I know there's no excuse for what I did, but back then I was going through so much and I- I needed space. I couldn't be in this city for any longer and I didn't wanted to bring all my problems to you and- in work Rosé told me about this opportunity in Argentina so I took it. I didn't even think about it. I just left because I was about to go inside if I stayed here. Being honest? I never regret leaving. I just regret that- that I didn't have the courage to tell you. To tell Sehun. I just- I just thought it will be matter of time, you know? I just didn't knew it will be that much. I'm so fucking sorry."_ hits the table scaring the other a little bit _"I was so fucking stupid"_

_"You were young Dae, you are not the first one on "fucking things up" you know?"_ smiles _"We just kinda wished you would tell us. We were your friends and Hun-"_

_"Yeah, but now I lost it all"_ Minseok doesn't says anything about that, he just keeps his job _"How is that you all don't hate me?! How… How is that_ **_he_ ** _doesn't hates me?!"_

_"Oh I hated you, believe me. The first two years I hated you with my whole soul, if I had you in front of me I'll kick your ass for sure but then, I guess I just forgave you and moved one. I figured you had your reasons and I just let it be. Sunnie never hated you, she was mad and sad but she was always the one with the hope that you'll get back"_ smiles looking at nowhere _"Sehun never hated you, you know? Even when we were "allowed" to say horrible things about you he wouldn't take it. He always defended you"_ chuckles " _Even with his heart broken he told Chanyeol about how great you were"_

Wait. What?

_"He knows about me?"_

nods _"Sehun made sure that he knew every little cute detail of you"_

_"He doesn't hates me"_

shrugs _"I don't think so"_ stands up and pats Jongdae's shoulder _"Even if you hurted us, we are happy to have you back. We really missed you man"_

_"I-I missed you too"_

_"You'll stay right? I mean like...in the city"_

_"I don't know… I was so excited when Hun called but now-"_

_"Just think about it. But don't take six years this time"_ smiles and Jongdae smiles back.

-

He helped Minseok finish the dessert for the afternoon but when the older talked he wasn't be able to stop thinking about everything: him, his friends,the decisions he took, Sehun, things that he missed... what would have happened if he stayed? Sehun would have meet Chanyeol anyways? if his parents weren't trash he could have better decision? what if he never knew Rosé? would things be so different?

Maybe this was just destiny playing with him.

No, that's not a thing.

He couldn't blame it on anything or anyone. 

**He** took a decision and for every decision there are consequences and these are his.

He just needs to deal with them.

**_Today, I smile_ **   
**_Even though it hurts, I smile_ **   
**_Till the last moment with you_ **   
  


Sehun woke up near the lunch time, after receiving a small sermon about alcohol and life courtesy of Minseok, he helped settling Yongsun settle the table. 

The lunch was great, the group shared memories about their childhood/adolescence. 

It was great, they had such a good time back then. Will it be like that again?

Jongdae looks at the youngest couple and how happy Sehun looks cleaning his boyfriend's face while he laughs and moves. 

He loves Sehun's smiles, he loves seeing him happy and if Chanyeol is now the one who makes him happy, looking at him from the distance is not such a bad idea; and is better that not looking at him at all.

_**This could only be sometimes**  
 **That I get to see you**  
 **I have to, I smile**  
  
 **Once I let you go**  
 **My smile will disappear.** _


End file.
